So without further ado here is my poem as it is now.
Friendship (Edited)
2/24/2009
Friendship is a ship that sails on Life's ocean.
It's passengers are the friends.
Some days the waves are very tranquil,
While other days the waves are turbulent.
The vessel travels along the sea,
While the companions continue to hold on.
Whenever times get rough,
The shipmates work together.
Life's ocean is never ending.
Along the way, however, there are harbors.
At certain harbors friends come on board.
While at others some mates say good-bye.
As this boat travels on,
We learn an important lesson.
There are those few companions that never leave our sides;
Those are the ones we should always cling to.
Now I will put up an old poem. This is what my post will look like from now on. I will post the edited poem first then I will post another old poem. So here is the old poem.
Earthquake (Original)
Walls shake, things fall off shelves.
Dogs bark, cats meow.
People wake up.
They don't know what it is.
Plates brake.
Things sake.
As soon as its over it seems like a dream.
In the south the people are amazed.
Walls shook, things fell off shelves.
Dogs barked. Cats meowed.
People woke up.
They didn't know what it was.
Plates broke.
Things shook.
This all happened at 4:00 A.M.
Most people didn't know.
Walls will shake, things will fall off shelves.
Dogs will bark, cats will meow.
When an earthquake comes to town.
This poem was inspired by the fact that we had a small earthquake in my home town. I live in Alabama so this is a very rare occurrence. I slept through it, but many people were awoken by it. It really wasn't that big, but it was still cool. I just wish I hadn't slept through it. So I guess that does it for today's post.
Hi Kayla, thank you for your kind comment about my poem. It is very good that you are revising old poems. That's one of the hardest things to do, but it's also one of the best ways to read your work objectively and 'hear' it the way a reader would hear it.
ReplyDeleteAll the best as you keep writing. Hope you can write every day. And always use a metaphor, as you did in the top poem. In the second poem about the earthquake, if you can find one metaphor, even one line saying what it was like, you will add power to the poem.